Metrosexual Men. One of the definitions on Urbandictionary.com states: strait (sic) guys who are mistaken for being gay because of their fashion sense and hygene (sic) habits. Ah, yes, the straight man who is perceived gay, the cock tease as I like to call them. Such an interesting specimen to behold in the wild. He is proud of his metro sexuality even jokes about it with his other straight friends but freaks when confused with being actually gay. Stop for a moment, you know these men. Let me paint you a little picture:
These are the men who have the gorgeous super model looking girlfriends at their sides. This is an absolute must because this is proof they are straight although they come off as gay in a stereotypical way of course. These are the men that wear tight fitting jeans that have more stitching and embroidery than the pair their girlfriend is wearing. There is often a design on the pockets of the jeans which again are tight fitting, you know, like what women wear. When they move just right you can see Calvin Kline or some other designer boxer briefs peaking out of the tops of the jeans. And of course the color of the underwear compliments the entirety of the outfit. Pulls it all together. They can often be seen in some sort of Italian or Italian knock off slip on leather loafer with socks that expertly match their shirt. Speaking of the shirt, again tight fitting, what is known as the “athletic” cut and often times stitching and embroidery is found here as well, especially across the back. Again, more than any woman would wear. These men are solidly tan, even in mid-winter. Their hair is perfectly styled with just enough product and their eyebrows are “manscaped” in an arch that rivals that of their girlfriend. Their fingernails are manicured, cuticles cut, nails shining.
Then a poor innocent gay man flirts with them and they lose their shit. And I mean LOSE their shit. How dare anyone think they were gay! Just because he likes to take care of himself he has to be gay?! And while losing their shit, you’ll notice their voices become deeper and they tend to stick out their chests and grab their crotches. As if grabbing their junk is universal for “I’m straight”. They go from man to ape in 2.3 seconds a fascinating de-evolutionary display.
Hmmmm…..why would anyone think these men are gay? Really? REALLY??? Come on now! No, just because you take care of yourself should not mean you are gay. That is somewhat offensive to men on both sides of the spectrum. Not all straight men are gross pigs who don’t shower or care what they look like. And on the flip side not all gay men pamper and prune themselves like dolls. BUT, lets again take a look at the painted picture above:
He is wearing tight fitting jeans with embroidery on the pockets…that is so gay not even gay men wear jeans like that.
His socks match his shirt, pastel blue, not the most masculine, and his designer underwear ties it all together. Not something most straight men would think to do.
He has expertly shaped eyebrows, manicured fingernails and tan year round….again, something stereotypically associated with gay men.
He’s wearing designer shoes outside of Nike, Reebok and Adidas.
So, honestly, he has no right to get mad that some innocent gay man flirted with him. All of the signals he was sending said “I’m a flaming homosexual that wants to get down and dirty”. What about that pretty blonde on his arm? Sorry, innocent gay man didn’t notice her, he was focused on the tan guy in tight jeans and a tight shirt. And every gay man is friends with gorgeous women, its just how it works, so we’re used to seeing them around when we do take notice of them.
And seriously, if you are metrosexual and an innocent gay guy flirts with you its not like he raped you, sexually molested you or jacked off in front of you. Chill out. No need to go all Mommy Dearest because someone of the same sex found you attractive. You are dressed like us and act like us so don’t blame us for getting confused. Geez!! But seriously, get rid of those jeans. Who wears jeans with embroidery like that and is straight? Come on now!!
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